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Facial asymmetry can affect human courtship behavior. In the study by Amcoff et al., it was found that male courtship display behavior in fish reflected the asymmetry of their morphological courtship trait [1].
This suggests that males preferentially use their best side and respond adaptively to temporary changes in signal trait asymmetry. Additionally, Lindell's research on facial emotion expression in humans showed that the left hemiface is anatomically more expressive, resulting in stronger emotion on the left side of the face [2].
This intuitive awareness of the left cheek's greater expressivity influences behaviors such as posing for photographs and cradling infants. These findings suggest that facial asymmetry can influence courtship behavior by affecting the attractiveness and expressivity of individuals.
Masculinity and Femininity ➳
Masculinity and Femininity contain the nature of the "gender instincts" in us, the source of passion for each other and for life itself. These states of being are synonymous with vitality, "feeling alive," charisma, excitement, and arousal. When one expresses masculinity or Femininity to another person, it is revitalizing, exciting, and refreshing, so everyone benefits when these energies are shared among us.
Playing It Cool ➳
This is how to have composure in dealing with the opposite sex and the first skill to learn in any personal growth or change effort. The operative psychological principle is observing ego, which is akin to "mindfulness" in paying attention to what is going on inside oneself and the social environment. If human courtship demands that certain behaviors be done in specific ways, with particular timing (or courtship turns off), having a psychological skill to "gauge" or measure one's social interactions is indispensable.
Paris of Troy ➳
This is the secret code of what attracts men and women passionately, translated right from the ancient Greek tale of the Trojan War. Depicted in the painting, The Judgment of Paris, this is the story that explains not only how the beauty of Helen of Troy "launched the Trojan War" but how there were three goddesses in competition with each other, tested by the arousal and interest of the most desirable, and eligible bachelor on earth: Paris of Troy. The gifts of Aphrodite, Hera, and Athena are not to be forgotten when seeking to understand the full complement of attractors of men.
Narcissus and Echo ➳
This is the introduction of what it is that limits us from even becoming attracted in the first place. It is the pathological narcissism or childishness, immaturity, and destructiveness of the "every man for himself" approach when looking to find love. The survivalist approach is not the way to go if we are to appeal to the best mate possible ultimately, and the story of Narcissus and Echo from the ancient Greeks shows us the extent of damage that immature and self-absorbed couples can do to each other if they are not on guard for this killer of love and commitment.
What is Beauty Anyway ➳
Beauty as the first attractor of men. The gift of Aphrodite appeals to men by way of what, on the surface, appears to be the beauty of a woman's face, her body, and symmetry, which has often been looked to as an explanation of why beauty is beauty.
We see symmetry in nature and the form of balance and harmony in any ecosystem. Why would we not also seek it and appreciate it in our bodies and those of others?
As the research would reveal, we have an even deeper need for something more beautiful than just visual appreciation. Beauty, exemplified in symmetry, is symbolic of and a sign of biological health. We and our offspring will live longer for association with a person.
An example from the research on facial and body symmetry and initial attraction is HERE.
Beauty and Danger ➳
The nature of arousal and danger in terms of beauty as an attractor for men might give rise to one thinking of the "Black Widow Spider" who lures in and kills its prey. Or perhaps we might think of stories of the Sirens of the ancient Greeks, who lured the sailors to the rocks to die in the tales of the ancient Greeks. In the world of primatology, one may die if one becomes in conflict with large other creatures vying for the social attention and mating of another.
And we ultimately might discover that the operative term involved in this whole first step of courtship - "passion" - carries within it a dual meaning - which is both "to survive" and "to reproduce." Passion, then, causes arousal, and arousal itself is of two types - that which is romantic, of course, but that which also grabs the attention because of something dangerous or deadly. And so our senses, attuned to what is a threat in the world, may confuse the two and be aroused by one, leading to the other type of arousal.
Smile and the World Smiles With You ➳
The power of the senses and the physicality of the instincts for both genders is so great that numerous signs and signals of reproductive health may be picked up on from more than even one's physical appearance. One's posture, and even gait, one's vocal tone, and eye contact, the power of nonverbal communication in the face, perhaps most exemplified by a great smile, tells the other gender, "Yes, I will have healthy, successful children with you if we go all the way through the courtship steps."
Notice that smiling also makes any human face more “beautiful” by making corrections in its symmetry - evening out imperfections physically that not only convey nondepressed happy emotion but visual symmetry indicative of robust physical health. A sign of “good genes.”
The smile is also about more than physical attraction and passion. It previews the happiness and friendship possible with a person in the following complete phase - emotional attraction. It communicates that one is confident, not anxious, grateful, satisfied, and not depressed, which is why, of all physical things, the smile very well may signal our future from sexual attraction through emotional attraction into partnership and intellectual attraction.
Mysteriousness and Bluebeard ➳
While the reproductive and physical health of the female may be most signaled by her physical appearance, movement, eyes, face, vocal tone, gait, and smile, the male offers something somewhat different back to her in more than these physical aspects of himself. They pertain to the attachment that she once had to her father and a specific nature to that, of power, safety, security, and spurring of her curiosity about what Freud called the "Oedipus" period of childhood.
The man's mysteriousness and the woman's curiosity about him cause her ongoing attention and interest. Should she ever be able to label and categorize him entirely, the mystery will be gone for her and, with it, his allure. Therefore, the man ought to take note of the Oedipal mysteriousness combined with "danger" and the arousal it causes, which is well-exemplified in the old French folklore of Bluebeard the Noble.
Strategies and Tactics for Being Mysterious ➳
Many men have a hard time knowing "how to be mysterious," which is the same as how to retain a woman's curiosity about his inner thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Perhaps one of the best answers is in knowing what is mysterious by what mysteriousness is not - which is labeled, categorized, given a name or a story, and which both renders the man "safe" or "a known quantity," but which simultaneously takes away his mysteriousness, his allure, the arousal of his masculine "dangerousness" and sexual desire.
This is not to say that the "danger" is not physical but somewhat unknowable and unpredictable, and the risk of rejection, abandonment, and being judged poorly by those she sought to appeal to and impress presents a psychological and social "danger." Consider the work of literature, The Scarlet Letter, whose worst punishment was the "banishment" of the female from the social group, echoing the observations of sociolinguist Deborah Tannen, who once described that the worst thing a little girl could do to another little girl was to "exclude her from knowledge of secrets."
To the ancient hunter-gatherer versions of ourselves, it may well have been confirmed that a woman in the small tribes we lived in, having been judged ill, excluded from the intelligence of the group as far as the natural and physical dangers of wild animals, warring enemy tribes and other threats of nature, could, indeed, physically endanger her. And so it is built into her to want to be in the know, socially, to question the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors of others, including other women and the man of her interest.
And so there are numerous ways that men can remain mysterious and "dangerous" socially and psychologically in a way that arouses passions and curiosity, most notably any actions and behaviors that cause questions in the woman's mind: "What is he thinking? What is he doing? What does it mean?"
An example of research on this concept in initial attraction is HERE.
Hermes and the Mystery of the Single Man ➳
From how to be mysterious, we might segment into those who are single versus those who are married since we will eventually find that human courtship forms, not a straight line but a spiral back to the beginning of the sequence, even for those who have been married for years. Instruction for single men on how to be mysterious and attractive and instruction for women on how to read men for this ability and how it can be managed in their favor is of the essence.
Stories of the Greek deity Hermes show us tales of a trickster, an efficient, rapid communicator, and a god of humor and fun, all of which have been said to be delightful personality traits in single men in the view of single women. The man of humor and fun is charming and paternal, like her daddy, yet sexy and alluring in its mysteriousness, humor being about surprise and the unexpected.
Meanwhile, Hermes is a great communicator and trickster, a god of music. The fast-talking but playful gamester in his very essence is of deep mysteriousness, and in which the "fun" and humor, the light-heartedness of his talk, softens the danger and mysteriousness of the unknown, turning "danger arousal" to a safer, secure, "sexual arousal" instead.
Cupid and the Mysteries of the Married Man ➳
Likewise, the long-time committed couple will need to turn back to step 1 of courtship if their romance is to continue through life, and so they too must find out how it is that they will be mysterious as a man and physically healthy as a woman.
The story of Eros and Psyche covered in prior instruction helps to lay out the elements of this story and the mature maternal nature of Eros (Cupid's) mother, Aphrodite, as the goddess who tests the young mortal, Psyche, to see if she is qualified to be with her son, and is prepared for the maturity of both being of high character as a partner, and yet also still feminine. Instruction for married men on how to be more mysterious and attractive even in a commitment and instruction for women on how to read their partner for interpretation and management to her favor is of the essence in the stories of Eros or Cupid.
Aphrodite, Body Language, and Attraction Signals➳
As a mature maternal judge of the young woman, Aphrodite leads us back to the woman's physicality and the signs and signals it gives the man in behavior, yet another way for him to detect that, "Yes, I've still got it."
He remains a curious, mysterious presence in her life by noting the "attraction signals" he may pick up on in her. Those which animal behaviorists in the wild may call "submission signals" (to mating) and which Dr. John Gottman, the prolific researcher of marriage, calls "bids" in the behavior of men and women - offers of closer intimacy and alignment which one may notice, and take up, responding, or miss the call, and the opportunity to stay intimate and aligned.
Here, we learn how women can use body language to augment and impact their beauty as an attractor of men and how men can interpret and participate in the mutual expansion of sexual tension.
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